现在准时准点为您播报战争动向 And here's your top-of-the-hour war forecast.
你可以在我们实时精准战争图上看到 As you can see here on our real-time Accu-War map,
瓦爪根人前线目前正在向 the Valdrogian kill front is currently moving
西南方移动 in a southwesterly direction,
沿途一路烧杀抢掠 burning and murdering everything in its path.
并且各位 不幸的是这里这个图标 And, yes, folks, unfortunately this icon here
确实是代表着劳什子德蒂尔 does represent Lower Murkford,
我们正好处于屠杀会经过的途中 putting us directly in the path of the slaughter.
建议所有居民立刻 All residents are advised to evacuate the village immediately
安静有秩序地离开城镇 in a calm and orderly fashion.
接下来是体育新闻 Sports is next.
奇迹缔造者: 黑暗时代 第十集[本季终]
你好呀 弗兰克 Hiya, Frank.
你好 艾迪 最近如何 Hey, Eddie. What's shakin'?
你知道的 老一套 Ah, you know, same ol'.
爸爸 我们得离开这里 Dad, we got to get out of here!
他们都管这叫百年一遇的大入侵了 They're calling this the siege of the century!
亲爱的 放松 Sweetheart, relax.
媒体总是会夸大这种事情 The media always exaggerates these types of things.
你记得09年的西哥特人进攻吗 Do you remember ?the Visigoth attack of '09?
他们也管那叫百年一遇的大入侵 They called that the siege of the century,
然后基本只死了400人 and barely 400 people died.
再说 如果真的很严重 Besides, if things get really bad,
我们总是可以去我的入侵避难所里 we could always go down to my siege shelter.
你有个避难所 You have a shelter?
那太好了 我们走吧 That's great. Let's go.
孩子啊 Kids, huh? ?
还真的下起来了 Huh. It's really starting to come down.
那么 有好消息和坏消息 Hi. So, good news, bad news.
好消息是我们终于 The good news is that we finally finished
杀完了婚礼客人 slaying all the wedding guests.
坏消息是薇姬公主逃跑了 The bad news is that Princess Vicki escaped
现在正领着瓦爪根人军队进城呢 and she's leading the Valdrogian army into town.
那我们战败了 Then we are vanquished.
我的王国 My kingdom.
我失去了我的王国 I've lost my kingdom.
好吧 我们得跑路了 去海边吧 Okay, we gotta boogie. Let's head for the coast.
我有个加固的游艇 SS巨人号 I've got an armored pleasure yacht, the S.S. Gigantress.
大到足够装下一整个城镇的 It's big enough to hold a village.
等下 如果能装下整个城镇 W-Wait! If it can hold a village,
我们应该带上整个城镇啊 well, sh-- we should take the village.
你搞笑呢 游艇是我们的 Are you kidding? The yacht's just for us.
但是上边能装好多人 Well, but t-t-there's room for so many more.
算进我的行李就不行了 Not if you account for my luggage.
忘记那些肮脏的农民 快跟过来 Now, forget about those filthy peasants and come on.
不 父王 他们不只是肮脏的农民 No, Dad! They are not just filthy peasants!
他们也是肮脏的人 They are filthy people!
他们是心地善良的肮脏的人 They are good, decent, filthy people
他们迎接我进入了他们的生活 who have welcomed me into their lives
教会了我如何生活 还有梦想与爱 and have taught me how to live and -- and dream and love!
你说得对 You're right.
他们数量很多 There are a lot of them.
瓦爪根人要花好几个小时才能杀光他们 It'll take the Valdrogians hours to slaughter them all.
即便是只砍头 Even if they just do decapitations,
那也要一分钟 一分十秒砍一头 that's a minute, a minute 10 per head.
我们还有很多时间 Ah, we've got plenty of time.
咱们去宝藏室 Let's head up to the treasure room
尽可能多地装上金子 珠宝 and load up with as much gold, jewels,
还有其他带得动的东西 and other shit as we can carry.
再见 Bye-bye.
韦克斯勒 不要 留下 Vexler, no. Stay.
帮助我守护这劳什子德蒂尔 Help me fight for Lower Murkford.
我想我还是上那艘游艇的好 Yeah, I think I'm gonna hop on that pleasure yacht.
不 等下 那些农民 No, wait. T-The peasants,
他们没有办法保护自己 they have no means of defending themselves.
-那可能只能怪他们自己了 -什么 - Maybe that's on them. - ?What?
我穷尽我的一生才爬到这里 I've worked my whole life to get here.
我才不会为了一帮连自己都照顾不了的人 I'm not throwing it away for a bunch of people
把这一切都抛掉 that can't even help themselves.
挺不错吧 Pretty sweet, huh?
爸爸 这些食物肯定都坏了 Dad, all this food has definitely gone bad.
可能我不该只储存带蛋黄酱的食物 Maybe I shouldn't have only stocked mayonnaise-based foods.
不过别担心 But not to worry.
我们有的是岩石嫩芽来吃 We have plenty of rock sprouts to eat.
我们有一大桶水 房子也很坚固 We have a big barrel of water and a solid roof.
什么 Oh! What?
妈的 Dang it.
注意 注意 刚传来的消息 Hear ye, hear ye! This just in.
查斯利王子打开了城堡的大门 Prince Chauncley has opened up his castle to any villagers
任何想在城堡的庇护下熬过围攻的村民都可以去 who wish to wait out the siege within the safety of its walls.
那王子 还真挺不错 That prince, he's a heck of a guy.
他也就还行吧 I mean, he's fine.
他人本来就在城堡里 He was already in the castle,
所以打开大门对他来说不是什么大事 但... so it's not that big of a deal for him to open the door, but...
我们应该过去 Yeah, we should get there.
城堡还挺远的呢 Castle's pretty far away.
我们如何穿过镇子呢 How are we gonna get across town?
简单 我们走啊 Easy. We'll walk.
我真不想这么说 孩子们 可我们肯定完蛋了 I hate to say it, kids, but we're definitely gonna die.
我的天 Aw, man.
这桌子撑不了多久了 快想啊 你们 This table won't last for long. Think, guys!
一定有很妙的办法能去城堡的 There's got to be some clever way to get to the castle.
我有主意了 Okay, I've got it.
我们去结交一个特别大的乌龟 We make friends ?with a really big turtle
它把我们藏壳里带我们过去 and he gives us a ride in his shell.
这主意可以 麦克 但我不知道 That's a neat idea, Mikey, but I don't know
到哪能找到那么一只大乌龟 where we're gonna find a big turtle around here.
尤其是不可能找到友好的 Especially not a friendly one.
抱歉 我只是想帮忙 Sorry. I'm just trying to help.
没关系 麦克 我们会想出办法的 It's okay, Mikey. We'll figure it out.
亚历桑德拉·铲屎官
有办法了 I got it.
看看你把粪车改造得多棒 Oh, wow, look what you did to the cart.
快 上车 Come on. Get in.
我会把你们拉到城堡去 I'll pull you guys to the castle.
小亚 等等 我想拉车 Al, wait. I want to pull it.
不麦克 很危险的 No, Mikey. It's really dangerous.
求你了 Please.
我想要能帮上一次忙 而这个我能干 Look, I want to help for once, and this is something I can do.
谢谢 麦克 Thanks, Mikey.
非常感谢 好 拜托了 Thank you so much. Yes, please.
欢迎 别客气啊 Welcome. Make yourself at home.
来吧 女士们 快点 Come on, ladies. Hustle.
动起来 动起来 Move, move, move.
多丽丝修女 我们有多少人 Sister Doris, what's our head count?
五个 我们来时有六个啊 Five? We started with six.
等等 你把基督也算上了吧 Wait, were you counting Christ?
因为他"永远与我们同在" Because he "always walks amongst us"?
现在就别扯那些个淡了 多丽丝 Now is not the time for that shit, Doris.
马姬 小亚和你在一起吗 Maggie! Maggie, is Al with you?
没有 我没见到她 No, I haven't seen her.
她一定还在外面 She must still be out there somewhere.
殿下 瓦爪根人已经快到城门了 M'lord, the Valdrogians are nearly through the city gate.
如果不把吊桥升起来 我们可能会被杀死 If we don't raise the drawbridge now, we could all be killed.
不 把吊桥放着 No, keep it down.
还有几个人我希望能赶过来 There's still a few people I'm hoping will make it.
走吧 麦克 Hit it, Mikey!
麦克 停下 Hey. Mikey, stop.
-什么 -我们不能不管弗兰克 - What? - Oh, we can't leave Frank.
他可是独一无二的 He's a one-of-a-kind guy.
爸爸 他是我见过的最普通的路人甲 Dad, he is the most unremarkable man I've ever met.
别这样 小亚 我们可不是那种 Come on, Al, ?we're not the kind of people
丢下朋友们不管的人 who leave our friends behind.
好吧 Okay.
弗兰克 Frank!
-来吧 -艾迪 - Come on! - Eddie!
谢谢你们停下来等我 Thanks for stopping.
抱歉 我知道 我带的东西太多了 Sorry. I know. I'm an over-packer.
我们得带上格拉迪斯 Hey, we should pick up Gladys.
当然 Of course.
格拉迪斯 欢迎上车 Gladys! Welcome aboard.
谢谢你们让我搭车 Thanks for the lift.
我还以为我和佩吉要完蛋了 Thought me and Pecky were done for.
我们把祭司也带上吧 Hey, let's grab The Oracle, too.
当然 Sure.
那是什么 What is it? Oh.
-不是吧 -拜托 - Seriously? - Oh, please.
不好意思 Well, sorry.
我一天不练 If I don't practice for a day,
就会生疏的 I start to lose it.
上车 Come on.
爸爸 我不确定这辆车还能承受多少重量 Dad, I'm not sure how much more weight this cart can carry.
不 没事的 Nah, it'll be fine.
这车跟石头一样结实 This thing is strong as a rock.
我们快到了 吊桥还没收上去 Hey, we're almost there, and the drawbridge is still down.
你们好 Hi!
我们又多了三个人 Oh! We have three more!
不 我们不能再带任何人了 No, we can't take anyone else.
拜托 小亚 他们需要我们的帮助 Come on, Al. They need our help.
对 别这么小气 Yeah! Don't be a dick.
来吧 Come on!
快 Quickly.
快跑 你们得跑起来 Run! You have to run.
快跑 韦变态 Run, Wesley Pervert!
舒服地坐在这里 我喜欢 Snug in here. I like it.
该死 Oh, shit.
你可以挪过去点吗 Al, can you actually, like, scooch down a little?
我的腿没地方放了 I have barely any leg room.
快拉 麦克 Just go, Mikey.
好 Yaaaaah!
你们这些白痴 You idiots!
我早就说过会这样 但你们从来不听 I told you this was gonna happen, but you never listen!
现在我们要一起死了 And now we're all gonna die!
你们知道吗 也许我们该死 And you know what? Maybe we should.
也许这就是这个白痴镇子应得的下场 Maybe this is exactly what this stupid town deserves.
天 我真希望自己没回到这里 God, I wish I'd never come back here.
被抓了 Captured?
瓦爪根人把他们抓到了城市广场 The Valdrogians are holding them in the town square.
里面是不是有位年轻姑娘 I-Is one of them a young woman
勇敢又聪明 with a brave heart and a brilliant mind
笑容暖得让你觉得夏天都到了 and a smile that makes you feel like it's summer?
好吧 我们得救他们 Okay, we have to save them.
把我们所有的士兵都集合起来 Rally every soldier we have.
只有我们了 殿下 That's just us, m'lord.
我们不可能再回去 There's no way we're going back out there.
贾加 Jargar.
贾加 Jargar!
行 我自己去 Fine. I'll go alone.
我恐怕不能让你去 殿下 I'm afraid I can't let you do that, Sire.
保护你是我的职责 It's my job to protect you.
如果你死了 我会失去养老金 If you die, I lose my pension,
牙医津贴和一切 dental, everything.
好吧 Alright.
那我只能在城堡里 Well, I suppose I will just have to make myself comfortable
舒舒服服地待一会了 at the castle for a little whi--
天哪 那是瓦爪根人吗 Oh, my God. Are those Valdrogians?
我先闪了 I've run off!
瓦爪根的敌人们 你们在此被判处死刑 Enemies of Valdrogia, you are hereby sentenced to death.
也许卡贡诺国王会救我们 Maybe King Cragnoor will save us.
他是位明君 对吗 I mean, he's a pretty good king, right?
你有过这种时候吗 心里想着 Do you ever have one of those moments where you just think,
"我的人生完美无瑕" "Everything in my life is perfect"?
像一种充满禅意的感觉 Like a kind of a Zen feeling?
幸福快乐 内心平静 You're just totally happy and at peace
知道自己做的所有决定都很正确 knowing every decision you made was right.
真是太疯狂了 It's crazy to think
想到我们再也见不到劳什子德蒂尔 that we're never gonna see Lower Murkford again.
哪里 Where?
你统治的城镇 The town you ruled over.
我们抛下所有农民 留他们去死的地方 The place we just left all the peasants to die.
那里啊 也许这该怪他们 Oh, yeah. Well, maybe that's on them.
害虫的最佳去处 就是用自己的血肉 Best use for those vermin is to nourish the worms
去滋养虫子 with their murdered flesh.
你应该最清楚不过了 I mean, you of all people should know.
你以前也是那群毒虫中的一只 You used to crawl among those vile bugs.
但瞧瞧现在的你 And now look at you.
富有 而且非常幸福 You're rich and very, very happy.
干杯 Cheers!
你和我 韦克斯勒 旅途兄弟 You and me, Vexler, road dogs!
伙计们 Hey, guys.
攻占城市的这部分还挺有趣 So, this part of the conquering is actually kind of fun.
瓦爪根人有个传统 选出一人 It's Valdrogian tradition to pick one person, you know,
让其"活着讲述历史" to "live to tell the tale."
来吧 So go ahead.
选个人吧 Pick someone.
来吧 选个人活下去 Come on. Pick who lives.
有一人无需死 One person to not die.
我认为 该选一个 Well, uh, I, for one, think we should pick someone
最能代表劳什子德蒂尔的人 who represents Lower Murkford the best.
所以我提名小亚 So, um, I nominate Al.
-什么 -我也投给小亚 - What? - I, too, vote for Al.
她活着显然比我们其他人更有价值 She's obviously of greater value to society than any of us.
说真的 我完全同意 Honestly... I totally agree.
她就是 比我们所有人都优秀 She's just, like, better than us and always has been.
对 这事不用讨论了 Yeah, this one's a no-brainer.
各位 别这样 我们就抽签决定吧 Guys, stop it. Let's just draw straws or something.
签是个什么玩意儿 What's a straw?
但总之 他们说的对 亲爱的 But anyway, they're right, sweetie.
就像你说的 I mean, it's like you said.
我们蠢得不配活着 We're all dumb and we deserve to die.
但你不是 你是我们之中最好的人 But not you. You're the best of us.
你值得拥有一个精彩的人生 You deserve to live an incredible life.
没错 Yeah.
凶悍的女士 Hey, scary lady?
-我们选择小亚 -好哎 - We choose Al. - Yay!
谢了 杰瑞 Thanks, Jerry.
去吧 对 去吧 小亚 Go. Yes, yes. Come on. Go, Al.
小亚 我希望能给你点什么 Al, I wish I had something to give you,
但我只剩口袋里这些岩石嫩芽了 but all I have are these rock sprouts I found in my pocket.
吃了吧 使牙齿变黑 长出皮疹 并想想我 Eat them, get black teeth and hives, and think of me.
说真的 我就希望他们选你呢 TBH, I was hoping they would choose you.
我看人很准 I have a really good sense for people,
我能感觉出来你很酷 懂吗 and I can just tell that you're, like, cool, you know?
给你 这是给你的 Here. These are for you.
漂亮 Pretty.
美极了 Beautiful.
这是你的坐骑 And there's your ride.
它叫追梦者 它知道怎么去巴黎 His name is Dream Chaser, and he knows the way to Paris.
享受你精彩的人生吧 好吗 Enjoy your great life, okay?
查斯利 Chauncley!
没别的办法了 No way around it.
我只能与他们奋战到底了 I'll just have to fight them all to the death.
你是拥有非凡力量之人 You are a vessel of incredible power.
查斯利 Chauncley?
-你在这干什么 -小亚 - What are you doing here? - Al.
你怎么不逃走 Why didn't you, like, flee or something?
我打算救那些农民 Oh, I was gonna try and save the peasants.
是人民 抱歉 The people. Sorry.
你能这么做还挺酷的 That's pretty cool of you.
等等 你不是被抓起来了吗 Wait. I thought you were captured.
-他们放了我 -那可太好了 - They let me go. - Oh, that's great!
你应该离开这里 找个安全的地方 Well, you -- you should get out of town, find someplace safe.
我不能离开 I can't leave.
我再怎么讨厌这个傻逼地方我也还是属于这里 I've always hated this stupid town, but it's my stupid town.
我们要是合作 I mean, we'll have a much better chance
机会就更大 对不对 if we work together, right?
好的 笼子在这 Okay, so the cage is here,
我看到这里 这里还有这里有守卫 and I saw guards here, here, and here.
天 好多守卫 Oh, God. That is a lot of guards.
而我们只有两个人 And there's only two of us.
三个人 Three of us.
威克斯勒 Vexler!
抱歉之前跑掉丢下你等死 Sorry for running off and leaving you to die earlier.
我太不厚道了 That wasn't super cool of me.
那你为什么又回来了 Oh, well, why'd you come back?
我辛辛苦苦这么多年不是为了在困难时刻跑掉的 I didn't work this hard to leave when things get tough.
看看 这就是为什么你是我最好的朋友 See, this -- this is why you're my best friend!
我是你唯一的朋友 I'm your only friend.
太好了 你终于承认了 Oh, yes! You said it!
你承认我们是朋友了 贾加你听见了吗 You said we're friends. Jargar, you heard him.
好了 Okay.
韦克斯勒 你之前研究过瓦爪根人 Vexler, you've researched the Valdrogians.
有什么办法能阻止他们的军队吗 Is -- Is there any way of stopping their army?
没有 除非突发瘟疫 Not really, nothing short of a sudden plague.
是的 薇姬讨厌瘟疫 Oh, yeah. Vicki hates plagues.
他们的铠甲坚不可摧 Their armor is invincible,
卡贡诺还带走了我们最精良的武器 and Cragnoor took our best weapons.
他们有两万精兵 弓箭手和投石车 So they've got 20,000 warriors, archers, and catapults,
而我们有 岩石嫩芽 and we've got... rocks sprouts.
我们有岩石嫩芽 We've got rock sprouts!
她说了两遍 还看起来很兴奋 The second time she said it, she seemed happy.
所以你这样练上肢 那你一般怎么练腿 So, you do that for arms. What do you do on leg days?
不 不 你不能这么对我 No! No, you can't do this to me!
我是皇室 放开我 你这个恶棍 I'm royalty! Unhand me, you ruffian!
怎么回事 What's going on?
我来给您献上王子 I'm here to offer you the prince.
但你是他最信任的谋士 你为什么要这么做 But you're his most trusted adviser. Why would you do this?
为了钱 For money.
合理 一袋金子 That tracks. Bag of gold?
我喜欢 I love it.
把他关进笼子 Take him to the cage!
不 我讨厌笼子 No! I hate cages!
就只需要很小的动作吗 So, just, like, tiny movements?
-等距的小动作 -短刺拳 - Isometric, tiny? - Short jabs.
要做几组 How many reps?
瓦爪根的敌人 你们的死期到了 Enemies of Valdrogia, the time of your death has come.
你能留下来观看真好 So cool you stuck around for this.
我也亲眼看着爸爸被杀死 You know, I actually watched my dad get murdered, too.
我当时感觉很难接受 And at the time, I was like, "Ugh,"
但现在我很高兴自己当时看了 but now I'm so glad I did.
毕竟这种事 You know, it's just one of those things
一辈子也就这一次 that you only get to watch once.
没错 Totally.
我其实挺高兴我爸爸能从痛苦中解脱 I'm honestly glad my dad's being put out of his misery.
鉴于他的情况 You know, given his whole situation.
好了 现在 Okay, now.
每人拿一点岩石嫩芽 Some rock sprouts for you and for you.
你什么意思 他的情况 But w-what do you mean, his situation?
就是他病得很重 染上了瘟疫 Oh, just he's really sick... with plague.
瘟疫 Plague?
嗯 他刚染上的 Yeah, he just caught it.
看 都被折磨成什么样了 See? Ugh. ?Look what it's done to him.
其他人也都染上了 And the rest of the town's coming down with it, too.
我百分之百染上瘟疫了 I've 100% got the plague.
传播的速度真是太快了 It's crazy how fast it spreads.
韦克斯勒勋爵 是真的吗 Uh, Lord Vexler, is that true?
整个镇子都被瘟疫感染了 Is this whole town infected with plague?
是的 了不得 Oh, yeah, yeah. Big time.
这真是我见过的最脏 最荒谬 This is literally the dirtiest, grotiest,
被瘟疫感染最严重的村庄 most plague-infested village I've ever seen.
你做到了 你拯救了这一天 You did it! You saved the day!
我们拯救了这一天 We saved the day!
韦变态 Wesley Pervert.
我就是我 I am what I am.
巴德 播放《派对混音》 Bard, play party mix.
好了 麦克 既然你被升职了 Okay, Mikey, now that you've been promoted,
你需要这个 you'll need this.
麦克·铲屎官
一开始会有点不好弄 不过 Gonna be a little tricky at first, but
我知道你能搞定的 I know you can figure it out.
谢了 小亚 Thanks, Al.
我会很想你的 I'm really gonna miss you.
我也会想你的 I'm gonna miss you, too.
你确定你们一路走去巴黎 Are you sure you're gonna be okay
没问题吗 walking all the way to Paris?
没办法 I'll have to be.
韦变态把我的马骑跑了 Wesley Pervert ran off with my horse.
都好了 All good.
给你准备了点临别赠礼 Got you a little going-away present
马姬 怎么做到的 Maggie! How?
我发起的那个儿童运动赚了很多钱 That child crusade that I launched made bank,
我被狠狠晋升了 so I got a sick promotion.
为你骄傲 Proud of you.
彼此彼此 马姬 You too, Mags.
查斯利 Chauncley!
看 我们不用走路了 Look. We don't have to walk.
太棒了 That's wonderful.
谢天谢地 你知道我走路超过六里就会长水泡 Thank God. You know I get blisters after about six yards.
我知道 殿下 I'm familiar, Your Highness.
不 别叫我殿下 Oh, no. Not "Your Highness."
我已经放弃了头衔 记得吗 I've renounced the title, remember.
是啊 我还是觉得你那么做挺怪的 Yeah, I still think it's kind of weird you did that.
我从来就不是当国王的料 I was never cut out to be king.
而且 劳什子德蒂尔现在有更靠谱的人选了 Besides, Lower Murkford is in much better hands now.
你说真的吗 Are you serious?
你是接班人 You're next in line.
父王把我们的血亲都杀光了 所以… Dad killed the rest of my natural family, so...
不 我不能接受 No, I can't take this.
来不及了 It's too late.
他们已经为你画好像了 They're already painted your portrait.
好好照顾劳什子德蒂尔 Take good care of Lower Murkford.
我会的 谢谢你 查斯利 I will. Thank you, Chauncley.
不 Oh, no.
你不用鞠躬 我不是卡贡诺 You don't have to bow. I'm not Cragnoor.
也不是不鞠躬 I mean, don't not bow.
就 不用鞠得那么深 好吗 It's just, like, you don't have to bow so far, you know?
就鞠到你们舒服的角度就行了 Just bow to wherever's comfortable.
你确定需要的东西都备齐了吗 亲爱的 Are you sure you've got everything you need, sweetie?
是的 爸爸 Yeah, Dad.
都好了 I'm all good.
那看来就这样了 Well, I guess this is it, then.
说真的 爸爸 Actually, Dad?
你能念安全咒语吗 Can you maybe do the Safety Spell?
我说不好 来看看我还记不记得 Well, I don't know. Let's see if I remember it.
格格咕咕簌簌飒飒 Greeble grabble snooble-snau.
格格咕咕簌簌飒飒 Baggle wag ka-blevver.
这些咒语现在会保护你 These magic words protect you now
并将持续到永远 and always will forever.
谢谢 爸爸 Thanks, Dad.
再见 See you later.
再见 Bye.
再见 先生 Bye, sir.
树林真是黑得吓人啊 Forest looks awfully dark.
是啊 Yeah.
我们会找到路的 We'll find a way.